Yes, she's smart, funny, attractive and single. You feel that it's time, five minutes into the date, to say something that the logical side of your brain isn't so sure about.
Stop talking.
Stop talking.
Seriously, stop making words. You want to stand out. You've had some alcohol. You end up trying to casually mention your bank account or workout routine. You don't succeed because that approach never succeeds.
"You fear she won't know how great you are unless you tell her repeatedly," says Ann Demarais, Ph.D., psychologist and co-author of First Impressions: What You Don't Know About How Others See You. "But you become self-focused, and the pure nerves make you less articulate and thoughtful than you usually are."
It's all right to be confident and direct. It's also good to be relaxed and the kind of guy who puts the focus on her. But if you want to start getting more second dates, a solid place to start is by simply not saying stupid things on the first.
It sounds easy, but many of your past and present brethren have failed that challenge.
Not sure what qualifies as stupid? Take a look at these and then start a new tradition with some addition by subtraction.
1. "I like to take my sweet time with everything. Everything."
Easy, love doctor. You make it sound as if she's been orgasmless and only you can end the drought. You may think you're being smooth and original, but you're not. Best to remain silent.
(Avoid lines like this, and you'll have a better chance of sampling one of these 45 Sex Positions That Every Couple Should Try.)
(Your Expert: Greg Behrendt, stand-up comedian and coauthor of "It's Just a Fucking Date")
2. "According to Facebook, you had some fun last weekend."
Say nothing about your online discoveries until she shares. Then it's okay: "I saw your work. Nice about the Nobel."
She'll feel that she was worth being checked out by a guy who doesn't prejudge.
(Your Expert: Ann Demarais, Ph.D.)
3. "My brother puts the L in loser."
Stay upbeat. People have a tendency to muddle information; if you speak positively of others, she'll project their talents and qualities onto you.
Complain too much, and her take-home impression will be less than rosy.
(Your Expert: Ann Demarais, Ph.D.)
4. "Oh, I've closed down this bar lots of times."
Fun guy? No, you sound like you drink too much, stay out too late, and pick up the dregs.
Sure, taking her to your favorite spots shows that she matters to you. Just spare her the sad, sloppy details.
(Your Expert: Wendy Walsh, Ph.D., clinical psychologist and author of "The 30-Day Love Detox")
5. "It's been 20 minutes and I still can't figure out why you're single."
Everyone, including you, has reasons for being single, and those reasons can run the gamut from messy to innocuous.
If she's dealing with them well, that's an encouraging sign, Mr. Also Single.
Related: Are you guilty of any of these 5 Annoying Habits Keeping You Single?
(Your Expert: Paulette Sherman, Psy.D., psychologist and author of "Dating from the Inside Out")
6. "What do you call three ducks at a bar?"
Jokes are panic moves when the conversation lags. You want easy patter, not punch lines.
So keep it simple: "I'd love to know more. Tell me about it."
(Your Expert: Greg Behrendt)
7. "My female friends are always trying to hook up with me."
Trust us, Romeo: She doesn't want to hear about your harem. Say "I'm lucky to have some strong, savvy women friends."
With one statement, you erase competition worries and compliment an entire gender.
(Your Expert: Wendy Walsh, Ph.D.)
A Few Other Things You Should Never Ever Say On a First Date....
"You cleaned your plate. I'm impressed."
"My mom wears that fragrance."
"So who's the hot girl in all your Tinder pics?"
"Really? I never would have guessed that you were a runner."
"My problem is I'm not picky enough."
"Yoga instructor? Score on the flexibility!"
"Go ahead--guess how much money I make."
"Hey! Your name is the same as my favorite anime character."
"Are you drinking enough water? It's great for your skin."
"So Steph told me that you're on birth control. Are you still?"
"I think it's really cool that you're so relaxed about your looks."
"No, I've never heard of The Better Man Project, the new book by the Editor in Chief of Men's Health. You say it's a jam-packed user's guide to every aspect of a guy's life, with over 2,000 game-changing life hacks on everything from fitness, nutrition, health, and how to not say bone-headed things to women? This is the first I'm hearing about it."
"Everything okay? You look tired."
"Don't take this the wrong way, but your ass is awesome."
"You totally remind me of a guy friend."
"Some people think I'm an asshole, but I'm just confident."
"It's super-easy for me to lose weight. I have a great metabolism."
"I'm kinda scared of you."
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