What She Really Wants From You for a Big Anniversary

My girlfriend wants our anniversary to be this big production--the fancy restaurant, the whole deal. Can I try to dial it down?
MIKE, BOISE, ID

It's not about whether you can, Mike. It's about whether she can.

And it sounds like the answer is no.

Here's a question for you, big guy: When, other than on your anniversary, have you two dressed up and gone out on a nice date? Because clearly that's what she's interested in.

If you really don't like big-deal anniversaries, try planning some classy quality time during the rest of the year. Then maybe she'll relax about the actual day. But one way or another, you're gonna have to show this woman some attention. . . or someone else will. Stay on the alert for these 6 Signs She's Thinking of Cheating.

A friend of mine says guys should stand when a lady comes to the table. I say bullshit. What do you think?
BRIAN, SAN ANTONIO, TX

I'm guessing you two don't remember the women's lib movement, when a lot of those old-hat traditions bit the dust.

I'm siding with you on this one, Brian. Unless the lady is the president of the United States or your grandmother, you really don't have to stand.

That said, it wouldn't kill you to prove you have good manners--to everyone, chief, not just women. If it's a guy you've never met, stand up and shake his hand. Your sister-in-law? Stop chewing and give her a kiss. Be polite and you'll set yourself apart. That's something people notice.

Every time I see my grandpa, he makes racist comments. Is it worth speaking up?
LEN, SAN DIEGO, CA

I admire your noble intentions, Len, I really do. But I've run into my share of stubborn folks with rock-hard ideas about politics, religion, and race, and I've come to learn that those people usually aren't looking for friendly discourse.

Grandpa's wrong. You know it; he doesn't. But he's also family. And the more you try to pry his mind open, the more you'll close off your relationship.

So stay off the soapbox and divert the conversation toward safer territory. Like this: "How about those Padres, Grandpa?"

Changing his attitude may be impossible; changing the subject is easy.

My office tends to empty out around 6:30, but my boss stays hours later--and I sit next to him. Should I pull longer hours to impress the guy?
VINCE, DES MOINES, IA

Every office has at least one workaholic. Question is, what's his deal?

Sure, he might be impressed by your extra effort. Or he could just be a no-life masochist who doesn't care how much time you put in. Ask around to find out. (Related: 5 Signs You're Working Too Much.)

After all, you can't be the only person who worked under him. And if it turns out he's paying attention to all your comings and goings, ask yourself: Is the tradeoff worth it?

Do you want people to start asking the same questions about you someday, or would you rather go buy your coworkers a drink at quitting time?

If people like you, they'll work hard for you. I'd call that getting ahead.

My old college pal looks uncomfortable when I invite him to drinks with my work buddies. How do I get him to just relax and loosen up?
DANIEL, PHILADELPHIA, PA

First, stop worrying about how he's enjoying himself. He's probably picking up on that, which ain't helping. But you do have to make a little effort to initiate him into the group.

So if he's a family guy, say "Hey, Jim, this is Paul. Paul has a little girl too."

Then find a reason to let Jim and Paul talk without you. Do that a few times--and just be casual about it, would ya? Your old college pal will start to feel like part of your new gang.

I don't tip if I'm just ordering a beer. Am I being an asshole?
MATT, TAMPA, FL

I'm a bartender, Matt. Of course I think that makes you an asshole. But if you really cared about my opinion, you'd give me a buck.

There's a pretty good chance I'm not the only one you're stiffing on a gratuity. Find out the right thing to do with this Checklist for Proper Tipping.